Heart Weary: 5 Tips for Relief

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Tags: heart weary, weary, lost, struggling, coping skills, balance, self-destructive, constructive, problems, troubles, solutions, writers library, Vicki Hinze,

DISCIPLINE

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CREATIVITY AND CHAOS

WARNING: This is a no-edit zone...

In the past few weeks, and in this week in particular, it’s been a rare note in my inbox that hasn’t been about challenges and from people seeking help to confront them constructively. America’s state of affairs has a lot of people angry, disillusioned, frustrated and despairing. How can you create anything when in that state of mind?

Typically, when I’m down, I write humor for balance. But to be honest, there’s nothing in the current situation funny enough to compensate for all the nonsense now going on, and to make light of where corruption and greed have landed a nation of good people, well, let’s just say that humor is not going to work for me this time. It’s not working for others, either. We need more. But what more?

We need hope that we can turn things around. Hope that collectively we have the courage and conviction and believe strongly enough in the good to endure what we must endure to regain it.

That’s what we need. But gauging from the notes and calls I’ve received, the stretch from where we are to where we need to be to create is too huge a gap to reach direct. So first we need to bridge the gap.

BRIDGE THE GAP

Sounds impossible, but it’s not. There are a few adjustments we can make that will help us do it:
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Tags: creativity, chaos, author, writer, novelist, creative writing, balance, anxiety, upset, calm, serenity, peace, knowledge, wisdom

WELCOME 2008!

ACKNOWLEDGMENT

ACCEPTANCE

ATTITUDE

ASPIRATIONS



A new year. A chance for a new beginning, a new direction--a fresh start.

Some changes we make will be so welcome, we’ll open our arms and embrace them with enthusiasm and zeal and a “Oh, yes! Finally!”

We acknowledge them, accept them into our minds and hearts, and our attitude is, well, welcoming. We’re excited. We’ve wanted this and now we’re going to go for it. We’re determined. And we’re going to apply ourselves and exercise the discipline and devotion required to get it.

We believe in this change. We want and maybe even need it. And we have faith that it is good and right for us and that we have the skills and tools we need to embrace it. We aspire, and we believe.

And because we do acknowledge the change, what it is, why we want or need it, we know its place and its importance in our lives. Because we accept that it requires our effort to obtain this change. Because we have an open attitude and we’re ready to and willing to exercise application and aspire with the confidence that we can get it, we are worthy of having it, we sincerely choose to embrace it, the odds are very good that we will get it.

Guaranteed?

No. Of course not. Our view is limited to our perspective and, while we have all the elements in place to make wise choices, that limitation on our viewpoint prohibits us from seeing clearly our own big picture. The big picture that is the full view of the complete us. The big picture that knows something we think can be good and positive and constructive for us, isn’t. It somehow falls short of our greatest good.

Realizing this offers several critical insights:

1. Initiating change is a marvelous gift and, tested by us for its value and deemed good, we should go for it with everything we’ve got.
2.If we make the change, celebrate it. Consciously (our limited view) and subconsciously (our less limited view) the change was deemed good and we did it. That’s a good thing. A magnificent thing. Go us!
If we don’t make the change, before we condemn it (and ourselves for not making it) we need to examine the change closely.

A. Did we lose our determination? Our zeal? If so, we need to know why.
1. If we lacked discipline, then we need to work on that.
2. If we determined that the change wasn’t good for us after all, then we need to celebrate our grasping of that insight--and we need to know why the change wasn’t good for us.
a. If the change proves that it would have been just plain bad, then we should celebrate that we didn’t change. We didn’t get off track because we realized it soon enough to save ourselves from ourselves. We were spared the agony and consequences of bad choices. Celebrate being spared. Celebrate the wisdom gained--we won’t make that bad choice for that reason again!
b. If the change doesn’t prove it would have been bad or good--it appears good, it appears it would have been great, then we need to examine why we didn’t do it.
i. If we didn’t embrace the change because we were afraid of it for whatever reason, then we should celebrate recognizing the fear and determine why we were afraid. Eventually, we will work our way around to grasping that fear is a thief. It will steal all from us that we let it. And so we must choose to stare into fear’s face and do what we must do anyway, or to stare ourselves in the face and admit that we didn’t stand up to the fear. We chose to let it win. The first speaks of courage--not the absence of fear, but doing what we must do in spite of it--the second of cowardice--giving fear total control and power. We choose which, courage or cowardice, we embrace.
ii. If we didn’t embrace the change because we intuitively knew that, while it appeared good, something was amiss and it wasn’t just insecurity or fear holding us back, then we should celebrate. We often subconsciously work through things and note challenges that take much longer for us to realize on a conscious level. We trusted our instincts, and that means we’re working in harmony with our entire selves and that’s growth--and success. We celebrate growth and success.

There are occasions and situations when we can’t see down roads we don’t take. There are times when we can’t project whether or not a change would have been detrimental or constructive and all we have is the knowledge that we did or did not embrace the change.

It is those times that are most difficult on us because we tend to gnaw on whatever decision we made, fearing we made the wrong one and we’ll pay the price for being wrong forever.

Sometimes, that’s inevitable. Life’s lessons don’t come easily. They smack us hard to get and keep our attention. But even then, is that a bad thing? Only if we choose to let it be. We take hard lessons in deep, and often, because we do, we’re spared even harder lessons. There’s merit in that. Good comes from it.

Too often we’re programmed to see the good in good and to avoid all bad. But bad experiences have value--and they can have very good outcomes. They can prepare and season us. If, for example, you went to pitch in a world series, only you’d never played ball, the experience couldn’t be a good one. But what if you’d nearly been born playing baseball? What if you’d suffered your share of sore arms, broken fingers, bruised elbows, and strained shoulders all along the way? Sports injuries that cost you dearly. Precluded you from playing in key games, the regional tournament. One cost you a scholarship. You really, really wanted that scholarship. You needed that scholarship. And you didn’t get it.

Now back when these injuries occurred, you would have believed with all your heart that these were bad experiences. Awful, painful ones that frustrated and upset you for their injustice.

But now you’re headed to the world series. And you’re put into a position where you can do xyz. You want to do xyz; the temptation is strong. But because you had that strained shoulder in high school and blew the pass that would have gotten you that coveted scholarship, you knew better now. You recognized unstated risks and decided they were too high to pay again. This time, you chose not to act. And because you didn’t, you walk into the world series uninjured.

So did the “bad” high school experience have value? It sucked when it happened, but that didn’t deem it worthless. Wisdom was gained. At a price, but wisdom worth having isn’t cheap. Now that wisdom spared your bacon. Now that’s something to celebrate, too, eh?

So here’s the question: When’s the last time you celebrated (or saw the good in) a bad experience?

Tough one, I know. I battle it all the time. It’s hard to be grateful for the “bad” and that’s the simple truth. But there are often gems in them. Gems in disguise.

And there are those times when we just don’t know why change or something we want desperately doesn’t work out. It is these times that are especially trying because they hit us on every level--physical, emotional and spiritual. What affects the body or the emotions can be difficult. But what tries the soul is hands down the worst.

Yet if we’ve done all we can to make wise choices and to examine and understand, then we’ve done all we can do. We know it, and we must have faith in ourselves--we’ve done our part to earn our trust--and be at peace. What we need to know will come to us. Awake or asleep. Because we seek it, or because it finds us.

In believing that, there is comfort.

In knowing that, there is contentment.

So happy 2008. My wish for you is this:

May you have trust and faith. May you find comfort in change, or in its absence. May wisdom be your gift and guide, and celebration your constant companion. And most of all, in all you do, I wish you contentment.

Blessings,

Vicki


Vicki Hinze
©2008


Resolutions, authors, writers, novelists, readers, books, purpose, balance, change, celebration

BELIEVE

BELIEVE
©2007, Vicki Hinze

Warning: this is a no-edit zone...

It’s easy to believe when things are going well. It’s easy to believe when you’re enjoying the support of family, friends, colleagues, associates, peers. It’s easy to believe when you’ve nothing at risk and nothing to lose.


But those aren’t the times when you best know yourself. Those aren’t the times when you stand alone with your dreams and you just can’t see a way to make them manifest. Those aren’t the times when you question your abilities, your competency, your motives and your methods.


No, when things are going well, you ride the wave and you don’t stop long enough to think or consider or weigh the consequences of your actions or the veracity of your path. You enjoy the ride. You press on, believing that if change were in order, something would be amiss.


And this holds true, even when things aren’t perfect. We’re human; we expect imperfection. But so long as the good is a decent stretch from the bad, we’re okay with it. We do what we do, and we don’t examine any one thing too closely. Why? We’re comfortable, and we do like our comfort.


We attach beliefs and emotions like security and stability to comfort. A sense of well being. It even pricks at our esteem in a good way--we’ve got a pinch of the golden touch and we say things like, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” We are lulled into complacency and apathy on self-examination, and we detach from the very things that gave us the determination and drive to do what we do. We digress. We lose focus. We no longer seek our quest with the zeal necessary to achieve it. We allow ourselves to become distracted.


Then suddenly things aren’t so great anymore. We lack satisfaction, then we’re restless. We’re annoyed by that, and then we adopt new mindsets that are more in line with emotions than with logic. We feel lost. Betrayed. Angry. Helpless and hopeless.


Some say, they’ve grown weary of the struggle. Some say they’ve worked too hard for too long to be in the position they’re in, and they abandon their desires for the promise of security in something else. Something that doesn’t hold their desire or passion, but meets mundane and other very real needs. Some fold under pressure from other influences and in doing so discover a new dream or quest.


None are right or wrong, and that’s my point.


Life and careers are made up of seasons. People come into our lives for purposes and then when that purpose has been addressed, they fade and go on to appear in the lives of others. Writers write a type of book until something happens to change the dreams and desires of the writer, then s/he writes another type of book. Or pursues another career--often one related to something about which the writer has written that ignited something in him or her.


Careers aren’t linear, just as personal growth and life isn’t linear. We constantly grow and change. We wear many hats, play many roles. Often we live many lives in one lifetime.


At times we’re teachers, at times students. But at just as many times, we’re both. During these seasons, we’re gathering what we need to take on our next personal season. We’re giving others what they need to prepare for theirs. We’re putting in foundations and we’re harvesting that which we’ve gathered.


It’s a magical thing, the way these seasons work. How in one facet of our lives we can be planting, in another facet, watering that which we’ve already planted, and in yet another facet of our lives, we’re harvesting from seeds we planted and watered long, long ago. (Think of the “overnight success” that was twenty or thirty years in the coming.)


Yet in the seasons where things that have our focus aren’t going well, or we don’t have the support we feel we need and there’s nothing left to risk or lose, we tend to single-mindedly focus on the past. We think of better times and we resent that we’re not in them. Other areas of our lives might be stellar, but we ignore that because it is what has been lost that claims our attention. And because we’re human, we give it.


Yet here’s the thing. When we do this, we give our effort and energy to what’s wrong. We discount the value and worth of what’s right. We neglect the good to embrace the bad. This is not a good thing. Without focus will what is right continue to be right? Unlikely. Good needs its time, too. Recognition and appreciation is a terrible thing to waste.


Some spend so much time looking back and wallowing in the past, they do nothing, notice nothing, prepare nothing for the future. They’re so preoccupied with the past (good and bad) that they don’t notice the opportunities in their present path, much less dream the dreams that could be their futures.


We need bad times as much as good ones. We need to keep looking at who we are and what we’re doing and why we’re doing it. I’m not talking about self-absorption. The world is a big place and everyone and everything in it matters. But we’re mortal, and we can’t do or be all things to all people.


We can do our part. But to do it, we have to see what “it” is, to recognize it, to embrace it.


Now if we’re lost in the past, longing for better times, or if we’re riding the wave of comfort and lost in apathy and lulled into complacency, we’re not apt to see much and we’re even less apt to dream. This is not a good thing for our present and it’s worse for our future. It breaks us down. If comfortable, the breakdown is more pleasant to endure, but either way, we’re still broken, and we’re still suffering those pangs of disenchantment and those twinges (or gnawing pains) that come with a lack of fulfillment.


So what is the key? When times are good or bad, what keeps us balanced and attuned and aware so that we don’t lose sight (and our present and future along with it!)?


We believe.


Believing is and isn’t an act of faith. It’s a choice, too. It’s reconciling the head and heart and accepting that reconciliation as truth. It’s seeing the value and necessity in bad times. It’s appreciating their worth as much as the worth of the good ones.


We hear people say, nothing good lasts forever.

Why don’t we hear people say, nothing bad does, either? Historically, even the stock market’s only stayed down seven years. And even IRS only looks back seven. Why do we beat to death our entire past to the detriment of our present and future?


We hear people say, the bigger they are, the harder they fall.

Does this mean the little fall less or drift and not crash because they’re little? The big may make more noise or get more attention when they fall, but I doubt they suffer the fallout from the fall a bit more than the tiniest. No matter where you are on the ladder, when you hit the ground, you’re on the ground.


We hear people say, you have to have money to make money.

Are we seriously advocating that? Discounting all the proof to the contrary? Should we alert Oprah that she can’t have money because she didn’t have it to make it? Bill Gates? There are millions of others. Enough said.


Here’s the thing. We can find a familiar quote to fit either side of any situation. Whether looking on the bright or dark side, someone somewhere has said something about it. If you’re of a mind to align with the dark, it’s there. If you’re of a mind to align with the light, it’s there. You choose your alignments, just as you choose how to view whatever season you’re in on whatever aspect of your life or career has your focus.


You choose. And you do--based on what you believe. About you. About your situation.


You can choose to wallow in the depths of despair, giving all you’ve got to what’s wrong. Or you can choose to fly the heights of joy, giving all you’ve got to what’s right. You can also choose to keep one foot on the ground and the other planted firmly in the sky.


You can believe that there is good and bad and that creates balance. You can believe that seasons come and go for reasons, and part of their purpose is to give you opportunities to not become lax or apathetic, or indifferent. Opportunities to keep assessing and defining your goals and aspirations and dreams.


Staying personally balanced through these seasons comes in knowing there is good in them. It’s said that necessity breeds invention. We need, therefore we create. There’s wisdom in that. We grow and change because we must. (Stagnant anything dies, right?) And change, being outside our comfort zone, seldom comes easily or without costs. But the cost doesn’t have to be everything. Whether that growth is painful, sorrowful, tolerable, or bearable largely depends on our attitude toward it.


If we remember that we gain through times of challenge, doesn’t that help balance things out? We might struggle and sweat, but we’re stronger, wiser, acquire a new skill, master one we had as a result of the effort?


How many races would an Olympian win without training? Without losing challenges along the way?


None. Because s/he would never have invested enough to become an Olympian.


Seasons. Good and bad times and all of value. Acknowledging the worth in both. The opportunities in both for personal growth and development.


Things will get shaken up. All things get shaken up. Fear and doubt love shake-ups because they know it’s at these times we’re most vulnerable. What can better keep us from achieving what we set out to achieve than fear and doubt? Not a thing. We relinquish ourselves to either and it owns us. We refute them, and we own us.


We let go of what was in favor of what is, and we look for the way this challenge offers us a hand up to scale our next personal mountain so we can claim it.


We know this isn’t a universal body-slam designed to take us down. We know that to get higher up, we need a challenge to snag us out of apathy and into action.


We understand that spinning wheels is an absence of traction. To get anywhere we want to go, we need traction, and in this season, we’re being offered a way to obtain it. It looks like a bad break, maybe even feels like a bad break, but we know better. We’re attuned, engaged, committed. We’ve got our goals and dreams and aspirations firmly in sight and we know this is a step up to them. We know.


We believe.


Blessings,


Vicki

©2007, Vicki Hinze



Tags: believe, support, career, path, seasons, change, transitions, dreams, focus, attention, balance, fulfillment, aspirations, goals