Choose, Writer--Easy Road or Higher Ground?

THE AGE OF RAGE

THE AGE OF RAGE ©2008, Vicki Hinze

WARNING: This is a no-edit zone...

Writers connect characters to readers through emotions. That makes it vital to understand them. Otherwise, the odds diminish of depicting them accurately or of having the reader react to whatever is depicted the way the writer intends the reader to react.

We live in an age of rage. Where people once exercised restraint, today they are far more apt to cut loose and let the fur fly--often with little or no provocation, and too often with no thought about the consequences. There was a time not too long ago, when terms like “road rage” weren’t part of our vocabulary. Where watching a group of teenage girls beat up another teenage girl wasn’t broadcast and considered entertainment.

There are a lot of angry people out there, and yet if we limit anger to only the negative, then we’ve missed the best half of its value. Because like most things in life, anger can be positive or negative.

First we need to make to sure we see anger clearly.

Anger isn’t an action. It is a reaction. It is the effect of an underlying cause.

That cause can be someone doing something that hurts you--intentionally or unintentionally, professionally or personally. Something that appalls you, something that scares you. (Note that all three are emotions, writers.) Let’s look at a couple of examples:

If someone makes a false accusation against you, odds are pretty good your reaction will be anger.

If you pull a week of overtime on a project for the boss and the coworker supposedly helping you did nothing but takes full credit for all your work, odds are pretty good your reaction will be anger.

If your daughter wears your favorite jacket without your permission and wrecks it or loses it, odds are pretty good your reaction will be anger.

If you write a chapter and haven’t saved it and the power goes out and it’s lost forever, odds are very good your reaction will be anger.

If someone steals your car, your wallet, or your name for the purpose of damaging your reputation, you can bet your reaction will be anger.

Personally and/or professionally, we react with anger to injustice. To things we consider universally just plain wrong.

But we also at times react with anger when no malice or intent to harm is intended. In fact, we sometimes react in anger when we’re not even directly involved.

You instruct your child not to do something. The child does it anyway. You’re not harmed, but you are angry.

Someone you care about gets sick. You yell at the doctor--outraged from the tip of your head to the soles of your feet.

Why?

Because other emotions are fueling the fire. Often that other emotion is fear.

You fear the sick person will die. You rage against the fear of death, but death isn’t someone you can shout out, so you pick a victim present: the doctor, or nurse or ambulance attendant--anyone will do.

People typically look for someone to blame. It makes them feel more secure, like they’re more in control, to be able to point a finger and say, “It’s his/her fault.” So to feel less vulnerable, they look for someone upon whom they can focus their fear which manifests in the form of anger. They might even choose the individual who is sick!

Fear, frustration, insecurity. Injustice, an inability to manipulate, a loss of control, a failure to achieve a desired outcome--all of these emotion-based reasons, and others like them, can manifest as anger. But remember, anger is the reaction, not the action. It’s the effect, not the cause. The primary core emotion sparking the reaction is the catalyst.

Anger, you see, isn’t an innate reaction. It’s a learned response. A simple example:

When a child hits himself with a hammer, he cries.
When an adult hits himself with a hammer, he cusses.

One reacts to pain with tears.
The other reacts with anger.

A learned response.

The primary causes and effects discussed thus far are largely negative. But anger has a whole different side. A valuable side, and our characters should react to it just as people do. On this side of the proverbial scales, anger is constructive.

It acts as a catalyst to motivate us to do constructive things (versus destructive ones) we wouldn’t have done or couldn’t have done without that motivation. An example:

A doctor lost his father early in life to a heart attack. The son was furious. Now he could have let that anger eat him alive, or even destroy him. He could have grown so bitter that it poisoned him and stole his destiny. But he didn’t. Instead he channeled his anger constructively--and went on to create the first artificial heart.

Anger can motivate us to stretch and grow. It can inspire us to change, to do better and more than believed we were capable of doing. Anger can infuse us with determination, give us the courage to try things we never dreamed of trying--and to keep on trying until we achieve them.

Anger can impact us in ways that change the course of our entire lives--define our life’s purpose.

When we think of anger, we often think of abuse and only its negatives. We neglect to remember the good that can come from it (the anger, not the abuse). Anger isn’t so much about the emotion, though we should understand the ramifications of that, too.

Anger always has ramifications. Some are negative, but some are definitely positive. And we get to choose which our anger will be.

Anger channeled improperly causes stress. Stress kills. It’s that simple. But before it kills, it makes us sick. Headaches, digestive challenges, spastic colon problems and so many more physical challenges manifest as a result of anger (and other negative emotions) not being processed in a positive way.

Anger channeled properly inspires and infuses us with abilities we had but didn’t know we had. Inspires us to gain new skills, new abilities that serve us in all areas of our lives because they broaden our experience and give us deeper wells to draw from in doing things we want to do. Things we’re meant to do.

So, yes, we live in an age of rage. And, yes, many factors contribute to it. What we need to remember is that rage is a reaction--neither a cause nor an action. We all know that every action causes a reaction. Every cause has an effect. And we know that regardless of what that cause and action are, we control our reactions and effects. We choose our response.

We all get angry. We all have hot buttons that someone’s going to push. We know that, too.
What we need to decide is how we’re going to react to having our hot-buttons pushed. We can react negatively--whether it’s firing off a nasty email filled with half-truths or taking a swing at the person offending us--or constructively--whether it’s holding our tongues and promising ourselves we won’t treat others unfairly or we’ll use that anger to build a better mousetrap.

I study a fair amount on abuse; you guys know that. I have for over thirty years. One thing that abusers often say to their victims is, “You made me hurt you.” That or they tell others, “S/he made me do it.”

Definitely improperly channeled anger there. The abuser got angry. S/he chose to hurt, to do it, and we’re all too familiar with the horrific forms “it” can take.

So when you’re writing characters, and in living your own life, understand that anger is normal. Even the most disciplined and most holy get angry. God got angry, and He’s got supernatural powers. We’re mere mortals. So it isn’t that we should fight to not feel the emotion, anger. It’s that we should exercise self-control and channel that anger constructively.

Constructive channeling. Now that’s a valuable weapon when living in an age of rage...

Blessings,

Vicki

Tags: anger, rage, abuse, hurt, choices, channeling anger, constructive anger, destructive anger, characterization, author, writer, novelist, books, reading, writing, writers' library, vicki hinze

CAREER PATH: KNOWERS, FALLERS & DABBLERS

Some people, it seems, come out of the womb knowing what they want to be and how they’re going to become it.

Others have no clue what they want but fall into something that for one reason or another enchants them, and they make a life’s work of it.

Still others dabble in this then that and then something else and either dabble their entire lives or eventually light on something that intrigues them enough to stick around.

It doesn’t matter which you are. Any--the knowers, the fallers, or the dabblers--can make good writers.

I address this because a very upset writer emailed me recently on this topic. She was told she wouldn’t be a good writer because all of her experience was in one thing.

That comment just begs to be challenged, doesn’t it?

First of all, no one over a year old is experienced in only one thing. Ask a 2-year old to turn off the TV. Most know which button to push. One of my angels is 18 months and loves Dora movies. She knows how to load them into the player and which button to push to make them run. The four year old taught me that rewinding the VCR isn’t necessary. It’ll do it on its own. She also taught me how to play her Leapster--an educational game at which I was a novice, but she’s a pro. (Beat me on every game, too.)

Kids interact with other kids.
They learn language skills: “Don’t, no, stop, please and thank you.” They learn tones--and react to them appropriately. They learn expressions. I’ll never forget the day my eldest angel learned to frown. And, boy, do they read body language.

I used very, very young children to illustrate my point because learning many things begins very, very early. We get the basic skills then (all of which translate to writing, by the way) and then as we grow and mature, we add to them. We build on what’s there--the foundation.

So, in my humble opinion, no one has experience in only one thing--unless you dump everything under the “life” umbrella.

Secondly, even one whose primary area of expertise is in one field is not left void in all other fields. On the way from novice to expert, we develop other skills through related incidentals and experiences that fall outside our specific area of expertise. Most fields incorporates skill sets from other fields.

For years, John Grisham wrote legal thrillers. He is an attorney; that’s his one field. But good attorneys are usually good orators. They have a good grasp on body language, on human emotion, on values and judgments. On reasoning and clear communication. Quick on the uptake and flexible in mind. Those are essential skills to being a good attorney.

But John is also a writer: a related skill set. But does that mean he can only write legal thrillers? No, of course not. Because many of his skills transcend those perimeters and life has added many more. Hobbies and other interests, other experiences have added even more to that more.

So while some might have thought he had one area of expertise, and that imposed limits. We know from experience that his abilities and skills, many of which are directly related to that area of expertise, have exceeded it.

Skills acquired can be adapted and altered to fit the needs of other areas of expertise. That’s my point. You learn to balance to ride a bike. But you also use balance for a thousand other things. Your skill isn’t restricted to that for which you learned it. It translates. And that’s worth remembering.

As writers, we can draw on anything and everything, and we do. Regardless of what your personal experience is now, within the confines of logic, you can use it all and gain what you need along the way to write what you want to write.

The beauty of our flexibility in this is that we don’t have to gain this experience or skill firsthand to be able to write convincingly about it. For example: how many mystery authors have murdered? Not many, if any at all. Yet they convincingly portray the act in books regularly. How? Observation of others acquired skills and expertise. Not firsthand experience. See my point?

Knower, Faller or Dabbler: any can make good writers.

Another recent question has to do with career-building. An author specifically asked about Career Tracks and wisdom. Which way of going about building a career is best?

CAREER TRACKS

1.STRAIGHT AND NARROW: Develop a course that is straight and narrow, meaning write one kind of book and focus intently on building a reputation and a reader base for it.
2.SCENIC ROUTE: Write different kinds of books through a career.
3.DIVERGENT PATHS: Write two types of books and divide effort and interest between them.

Each of those choices has advantages and disadvantages.

The straight and narrow is probably the most preferred path because it naturally places the author in a position to build an easily identifiable reader base that knows what to expect from the author and his/her books. Focus is the key word in this type career. Name recognition, reader identification and expectation, and bookseller identification and expectation are all pluses. The negative? The author can get really weary of writing the same type of book over and again. Most who do find creative ways to keep the work fresh and to stay enthused. Those who don’t, run into long-term trouble.

The scenic route. As an agent once said, “When I get a book from you, I never know what to expect, but I know I’m going to love it.” That sounds like a big bonus, doesn’t it? And it can be. The market cycles and if you’re a flexible writer, then you can flex with it. That’s a perk on the longevity table. However, it’s not easy to build a career that rises to the stratosphere on the scenic route. Readers don’t know what to expect. Booksellers don’t know what to expect. Your books can be shelved in different areas in bookstores and that all makes finding the books more difficult--and it much more likely the author will get lost in the shuffle. Still, some authors choose this path and some have successful careers. Promotion is, in my humble opinion, essential to cue everyone other than the author (and that includes those in the publishing house) what is at the core of each book. Remember, we are creatures of association. We associate this author with this type book. That’s natural to us. So if you’re writing multiple types of books, you need to find an effective way to let others know it and know what you’ve written--every time.

Divergent paths. More and more authors are choosing the divergent path career strategy. They’ll write two types of books, essentially building two separate careers, which at some point usually merge on the marketing front. For example. Nora Roberts build a career in series romance. Then she expanded her romance books into the single title market. Still romance, but now reaching a broader base of readers. She continued her series romances and added her single title romances. Staying well established in series, she became well established in single title romance, and then took the divergent path. Under J.D. Robb, she began a separate career for futuristic mysteries.
After a number of J.D. Robb books were out and she was established in that career path, she marketed that Nora Roberts and J.D. Robb were one and the same. Crossover sales ensued. And her divergent path career strategy was an enormous success. So much so that she’s commonly considered her own brand.

For some authors, one path takes off and the other stills. A year or two later, they can reverse. The still one becomes hot and the hot one cools. Again, markets cycle. So this can be a perk for the author, too. Provided the author writes fast enough to get a book a year out in both careers, this can be a good choice with a lot of advantages and not so many challenges as the other two paths.

Of course, it really depends on the author and what s/he means to achieve. Purpose and personal goals are paramount and whatever yours are, they lend themselves best to one of the chosen paths. So before choosing your career path, it’s imperative (and you increase the odds of not disappointing yourself) by addressing specifically what you want from your career.

Take into consideration your production rates and promotion investments and skills, too. Look at the big picture of you, the author, and you, the person. These are not small things when it comes to deciding where you want to be a year from now or five or twenty-five years from now. Consider it all.

Make a three column list. Ask every question you can think of to ask--about you, about writing, about goals and dreams and desires and abilities. Compare each question to each path. See where the weight adds up.

Then you’ll be building not only a career, but one that has a better chance of working successfully for you.

And remember, you can change paths at any time. If you’re on one and it just isn’t working for you, do the above exercise. Find another. When a door closes, a window opens, right?

Right. And miraculously it does so repeatedly!

Blessings,

Vicki

Tags: career paths, skills, success, authors, writers, novelists, books, readers, goals, abilities, skills, accomplishments, choices, writing, vicki hinze, writer's library

Character: Feature Article/Newsletter

An Alert to let you know that I've posted a new WINTER FEATURE ARTICLE and the FEBRUARY 2008 NEWSLETTER on my website at www.vickihinze.com.

The subject of the Feature Article is CHARACTER.

Enjoy!!!

Blessings,

Vicki

Vicki Hinze

MISTAKES WE MAKE: PART 7

SELF-SABOTAGE AND SELF-FULFILLED PROPHESY

SELF-SABOTAGE: THE ART OF SNATCHING DEFEAT OUT OF THE JAWS OF VICTORY.

SELF-FULFILLED PROPHESY: THE ART OF WILLFULLY STRUCTURING EVENTS TO MANIFEST A PROJECTED OUTCOME.

It isn’t enough that we have to battle the rest of the world, we have to battle ourselves. And often we are not only our greatest critic, we are our worst enemy. We treat everyone else in the world--including strangers on the street--with more dignity and compassion and respect than we treat ourselves. Why is that? Why is it that everyone else deserves more and better and kindnesses and considerations that we feel we don’t deserve?

A huge part of it is due to upbringing and what we have adopted or has been forced upon us as appropriate conduct and social behavior. We’ve all heard some form of:

Be modest. Be humble. Be unassuming. Don’t get a big head. I made you, I can break you. You owe me. If it weren’t for me, you’d be nothing. I don’t care what you think, in my house, you’ll do as I say. Pretty is as pretty does. Never brag, it’s bad form. Don’t blow your own horn, toot your own whistle. You do you think you are? If I wanted your advice, I’d ask for it.
Loser. You can’t do that. You’re too __________ (fill in the blank).

Think back through your life. This goes back further: (color inside the lines; be seen, not heard; don’t cause a stir). What putdown or well intended behavior sapped the confidence right out of you? Made you feel small and insignificant? Hopeless? Helpless? Clueless or unworthy? Like a victim?

These types of things happen to all of us. Often, they were well intended and not meant to impact us they way they did, but they do. (Remember that saying about the road to hell being paved with good intentions? Well partly, no doubt, it got to be an often-repeated saying like this.)

Words carry power. We know that. And that definitely includes words spoken to us about us. Ones that impact us strongly, we carry with us. They help form and shape our opinions, our esteem, our behavior and our beliefs. We believe we can, odds are we can. We believe we can’t and we never will--and we will make that true because we believe it to be true. That’s self-fulfilled prophesy. And often to make it happen, we embrace self-sabotage.


An Example: An author has been writing one type of book for years. The market for that type book is dwindling and her editor recommends the author write a different type of book and makes several suggestions. The author refuses--and when contract renewal time comes around, author is told publisher will not be offering a new contract.

Author refused for any of a number of reasons. Didn’t like the type of books suggested. Had no interest in shifting to a new type novel. Feared change. Feared losing her existing reader base. The point is, regardless of the reason the author is now without a publisher.

A more blatant example: An author goes to a conference and at a luncheon complains to a table full of people about her publisher. An editor for that publisher is sitting at the next table and overhears her house being raked over the coals. Said editor reports this tongue-lashing in a public forum to author’s editor. How how enthused is said editor to work with said author?

We all take wrong steps. We try something that doesn’t work. We write something that doesn’t resonate. We plan and set expectations based on the information we have available but that information proves faulty. These are mistakes, yes, but not ones where we have through our own arrogance or ignorance or fears or other personal issue-based actions, shoot ourselves in the foot and cut ourselves off at the knees.

The discretion errors are most frequent. Or, I should say, the lack of discretion. Over the years, I’ve seen more authors sabotage their careers by exercising a lack of discretion than anything else. A little story to keep in mind:

Author A wrote for an Editor at a publishing company.
Author A had some very nasty things to say about another writer to Editor.
Editor spoke very little and formally--cautiously--to Author A because Author couldn’t be trusted to be discreet.
Author A was offended by Editor’s distance and had some very nasty things to say to Editor about it, then promptly went to the Editorial Director and asked to be assigned to a new Editor.
The request was refused.
Author A left the Publisher and wrote for a New Editor at a New Publisher.
Before Author A’s first book with New Publisher came out, her New Editor left the New Publisher for employment at a third Publisher.
New Publisher hired a replacement: Editor from Publisher.

So now Author A is with Original Editor at New Publisher. The Editor she said some very nasty things to and asked to reassigned away from.

Small world, publishing. And Editors move around to move up. Author A is in a tough spot. One she put herself in because of her lack of discretion. Net: self-sabotage. Can she recover: probably only if she looks for and secures a New New Editor at a New New Publisher.

Life would have been so much simpler for Author A had that author just be discreet.

Self-sabotage isn’t only seated in esteem and confidence and negative issues. It can also be seated in fear. Like the fear of success.

People driven by a dream will just about kill themselves to hit benchmarks that define for them success. They’ll climb the ladder, struggle and sacrifice and put in super-human effort to get up to the next rung. Their goal is in sight. They’re almost there. Almost to the pinnacle that has occupied their hopes and dreams and cost them so much and now--now they’re---
scared to death and decide they may not really want it, or that they definitely do not want it.

Suddenly unthought of facets come to life:

✦If I make that sale, people are actually going to read what I write. They might hate it, have ugly things to say about it--about me. I could be embarrassed, humiliated, rejected.

✦If I make that list, people are going to expect so much out of the book. What if it disappoints them. What if they bad-mouth me and it? My family, friends, everyone I know will hear all about it. I’ll look like a fool, an idiot. I could be hurt. My kids could be hurt or embarrassed or humiliated. Rejected.

✦The last book did so well. What if this one bombs?

✦I am going to be judged. I could be found wanting and/or rejected.

See how these things all tie back to self-esteem and image? Your perception of who you are and your place in your world, and in the worlds of others?

We all want to be loved and accepted. We all want our work, which is an extension of us, to be loved and accepted.

And it’s hard to open ourselves up for not being loved and accepted. But the simple fact is this:

Some will love and accept us.
Some will hate us and reject us.
And some will be indifferent.

Of all these things--think about this--indifference troubles us most.

Why? Because it jerks our chains and feeds those little nags in us that says we and what we are doing are insignificant.

You can go into broader analysis, but in my experience, when you do and then you dive deep, it takes you right back to this place. Maybe you need the journey to feel sure of that. Maybe you can take the word of one who has journeyed and taken that journey with many others. Regardless, you do need to grasp the reasons we sabotage ourselves and take constructive steps to resolve the underlying issues. Understand them. And stop doing it so that you can fulfill your potential.

How do you do that? There are many ways, I’m sure, but one I know works is by knowing what you need. And that will be the topic in Mistakes We Make, Part 8.

Blessings,
Vicki

© 2007, Vicki Hinze

MISTAKES WE MAKE: PART 6

cross-posted at www.vickihinze.net: Vicki's Special Projects site.

WHAT WE WANT MOST

Writers are creative people. Creative people get ideas--lots of ideas--and those ideas are not limited to their stories. They see the divergent paths in their careers and lives as well, and while that can be a good thing, if the writer lacks focus and direction, it can make for a jumble of experiences that haphazardly come together to form a life.

One prevalent mistake writers make is to diverge when staying the course would be a wiser career move. That comment is predicated on the writer developing a plan to get where s/he wants to go and then enacting the plan until something comes along that snags the writer’s attention or enthusiasm or focus, and then said writer--often with too little thought and too much emotion--diverges without considering the consequences of running off on a tangent.

Now times arise during the course of a career where the writer needs to be flexible and alter the course. Times arise when the writer wants something different or more and alters course. These are not mistakes. Following that which is most important to you is never wrong, but those are not the course alterations I’m referencing.

I’m talking about getting a fleeting thought, grabbing it, ignoring the warning bells inside you telling you that this is not a good move and is a tangent (even though others around you might say it’s a great move).

Here’s the thing. This is your career. Your life. You will be held accountable for it--to yourself. So shouldn’t this career and this life then reflect your choices and your desires and those things most important to you? Not to those around you or your editor or your agent or your spouse or your critique group, best friend, partner--to you?

Because of their creative nature, too often authors flit. They focus on the creative aspect of the work and never consider the aspect of career and/or life. My belief is that writers should consider those things.

They should value the difference between knowledge and wisdom.

Knowledge is a wonderful thing. A magnificent thing. But it is not wisdom. You can’t build your best life with knowledge. You can build your best life with wisdom. Seek wisdom first.

Now if we look to traditional sources, we see that advice repeated often. Wisdom first. That advice can be traced back to the very beginning of recorded history. Why do you suppose the advice has endured throughout the ages?

One can have all the knowledge in the world, but s/he must have the wisdom to enact it. If a person doesn’t have the wisdom to use that knowledge, then of what benefit is it?

Knowing that a plan increases your odds of reaching success is great. But if you lack the wisdom to implement that plan, what will having the plan do for you?

My point is there is great benefit in acquiring knowledge. Knowledge of craft, the business, life. But that knowledge can’t serve you well without wisdom. Wisdom is the key to the ages--and to success, fulfillment and yes, even happiness. It is the core. Yours and mine.

Now wisdom is a great term and it means a lot of things to a lot of people. But what does it mean to the writer.

In the work, its value is immutable and evident.

Outside the work, in the life of the writer itself, the need for wisdom is also immutable and evident. But a mistake we make is in not attributing it wisdom’s proper values.

How do we miss that? Thousands of ways. Some I’ve noted most frequently:

1. We drift through our careers and lives without really considering what we want most.

Recommendation: Act deliberately, with well-defined intentions. Only then can you achieve what you truly want to achieve. If you need guidance on determining what you most want, there’s an article in the archives here and in the writer’s library on www.vickihinze.com called WHY WE NEED A PLAN. Invest in yourself. Read the article and develop YOUR plan YOUR way to achieve those things that most matter to YOU.

2. We live and work without determining what means the most to us.

Recommendation: Don’t settle for getting what you can. There’s plenty of everything. The universe is a place of abundance. Determine what means most to you and how you want to reflect that and embrace that in your work and in your life. Get specific. Get concrete. Otherwise, you make this mistake and you end up never fulfilling your dreams and potential. Never feeling fulfilled and often wondering what the hell you’re doing here and what your life is all about.

3. We never define, or define and then ignore what we choose as our Life Priorities.

Recommendation: Know what your Life Priorities are. What do you want out of life? Why do you want those things? Imagine yourself at 80, sitting in a rocker on your front porch, or in your favorite chair. What do you regret not doing? What are you most grateful for having done? There are your insights to grabbing your Life Priorities by the ears and claiming them. If you claim them (knowledge of them and the wisdom to enact them), they will be yours. Whether you sit in that chair/rocker and feel gratitude or regret is your choice. And it’s one only you can make.

4. We write what we think will sell rather than stories that are purpose and service driven.

Recommendation: Writing to sell without passion and personal investment is a futile act that rarely pays the kinds of dividends we need to enjoy fulfillment and contentment. If you think those things aren’t as important as earning a nickel, ask anyone about to die. The stories that are purpose-and-service driven, those where the writer strives to serve others, those are the enduring stories that feed the soul. And when we feed our souls, we are working in harmony with more than our careers. That’s an essential ingredient to a satisfied life. Some would say it’s ironic, but the purpose-and-service driven stories are the ones that fare best in the marketplace. It’s not ironic at all. It’s that connection core-to-core that draws people to those stories. Making that connection is why we read.

5. We spend far too much time thinking about what we can get versus what we can give.

Recommendation: When we focus on what we can get, we lose. When we focus on what we can give, we gain. For the spiritual-minded among us, it’s because we’re invoking the Universal Law of Abundance. Universal Laws are immutable. So when you give, you put into motion a series of events in which you receive. To bring it from a universal spiritual philosophical point to the everyday this is how it works, you get from something what you put into it. Invest and reap the reward. Invest a lot and the rewards are great. Invest a little and the rewards are small. When you get an idea, ask yourself in writing it what you will give, how it will serve. There’s a direct ratio at work here, and it’s always at work. So focus on serving, giving. If you do, you will receive.

6. We pay too much attention to the opinions and rely too heavily on the advice of others rather than our own opinions and advice.

Recommendation: The best opinion in the world is still subjective. The best advice in the world is, too. Both may be on target and terrific for you. Both both may well be in left field, or not in harmony with your plan, your vision for your work and/or your life. Doesn’t mean the opinion or advice is bad or wrong. Does mean it could be bad or wrong for you. And only you are the best judge. Only you know all about you and that means only you can view the opinions and advice of others in context. We all know how screwed up things can get when they’re taken out of context. But too often we don’t apply that to opinions and advice others offer to us. We should. We should on each and every occasion. Only if we do are we viewing others’ opinions and advice in context. Remember too, that in the end, we live with the consequences. We are responsible for the actions and inactions we take. We are accountable when it comes to us. Doesn’t matter who gave us the opinions/advice that spurred us to act or not act, the results and responsibilities are ours alone.

7. We get caught up in others’ views of success and don’t define our own.

Recommendation: define success for yourself. For some that means making the Times list. For others it means writing a book, not publishing it. For others its any of the thousand points in between. Yet often writers buy into letting someone else define whether or not they are successful. If you set your path and you’re walking it, doing what you feel is in harmony with your Life Priorities, then you are a success. It is your definition that most matters. This is, after all, all about you and your priorities and your life.


8. At the first sign of trouble or setback, we abandon our plans, ignore our priorities and frantically look for someone, for something, that can bail us out and save our bacon. Worse, we look for someone else to blame for our troubles.

Recommendation: In every career and life there are going to be ups and downs. It’s a fact. Accept it and press on, being joyful and grateful for the good times and gleaning what wisdom you can from the bad times. You can’t avoid them--shouldn’t want to avoid them. In both are growth opportunities, knowledge and wisdom. When challenges arise, assess, review your plans, keep your priorities front and center. If you need help, seek it. But understand that you retain authority on what you do and responsibility for what you do. Rather than blaming someone else for your personal lot--which is human and so much more comfortable to do than to take personal responsibility--spend your time on determining why the challenge occurred (knowledge) and how to avoid it in future (wisdom). It’s easy to blame others, but it’s seldom accurate. More often than not, we actively participate in positioning ourselves for the challenge. Not always, but often.

9. We grow cynical and jaded because we forget our purpose for writing what we’re writing.

Recommendation: It is easy--and taking the easy way out--to grow cynical and jaded when our careers and/or lives aren’t going according to plan, or according to the way we think they should be going. One mistake writers make is in not having a concrete view of where our career/life should be. Many settle for a nebulous inkling, like “selling books as fast as I can write them” and then wonder why they’re feeling lost and depressed and as if they’re not getting anywhere or accomplishing anything. They decide it’s the market, their publisher/agent, their family demands, their need to earn more money--now. It’s easy to see how one could fall prey to cynicism and feeling jaded about the possibilities under those conditions. But remember your purpose and you have the weapon you need to prevent a disenchanting event or episode from becoming cynicism or you from becoming jaded.


10. We give in too easily to fear and doubt and take professional criticism personally and then attempt to justify everything.

Recommendation: Fear and doubt are merciless bastards and that’s the nicest thing I can say--except that both do at times have value. If these little demons are challenges for you, then go to www.vickihinze.com and then into the library and read the article FEAR AND DOUBT. In a career field like writing, so much of ourselves goes into our work that we often mistake criticism for a particular work as criticism of us. It’s simply not so and that is a challenge we must overcome. Not one for which anyone else is to blame. When this happens, we too often immediately start justifying our rationale and/or the reasons we did what we did when and the way we did something. Huge waste of energy and one that just clouds the issue. It’s amazing how many writers feel they must justify every action, every choice, every road taken and the ones s/he didn’t take. It’s a monumental and thankless task. Often a scapegrace task. If an opinion is given with which you disagree, you don’t have to justify not embracing it. Just don’t do it. If someone questions you on something and you choose to share your rationale, fine. But don’t feel compelled to justify what you’ve done. These are your choices. Own them.

11. We cross the line from being professionally flexible to moulded mush and lose everything significant to us in the process--and then we assign responsibility to another.

Recommendation: Writers are flexible by nature. Good thing because they work in a dynamic industry and flexibility keeps them fluent. But that flexibility should be governed by the writer, not by others’ attempts to fit an author into a position s/he doesn’t belong. Too often writers will flex to the point that their own reasons for doing what they do are lost. To where all that meant anything to them is buried in a maze of other people’s decisions on what the writer should be and/or should be doing. Here we go with giving other people more power and authority over us when we are ultimately responsible for us. Some writers slide into this and turn to mush and then when it’s pointed out to them, they blame someone else. Well, bluntly put, that horse doesn’t run in this race. Others can guide, direct and even order, but you choose whether to embrace that guidance, those directions and those orders. (Knowledge and wisdom. Knowing and acting on what you know.) Bottom line, your choice, your responsibility. Flex to your specifications and only as far and in ways you feel are right for you, your career, and your Life Priorities. The responsibility for your actions and choices is yours.

12. We never know or we forget the value of knowing what we most want and we lack or never use our inherent wisdom to implement our knowledge.

Recommendation: Know YOUR plan. Know what YOU most want. Respect knowledge but embrace wisdom. Thought without action is the stuff of unrealized dreams.

Unrealized dreams. That brings to mind self-fulfilled prophesy and self-sabotage. And that will be the topic of discussion next time, in Part 7 of MISTAKES WE MAKE.

I hope this helps!

Blessings,

Vicki

Vicki Hinze
©2006